No man can Find The War

On this day I pause to relect upon the many  lives that were lost in name of our Freedom.

Some ask "What kind of God would allow for war?".....and so, his actual existance is questioned......and then there is the other saying.."there are no athiests in foxholes"

God does not make wars.....man does...this is his own creation.....the fear and  grief  that war breeds....brings us back to God.

....to best illustrate....a man is about to break into a bank vault at night.....as he exits his vehicle with his tools....he looks upward and says..."God, I hope I don't get caught"       he hears a voice come back.."if you don't want to get caught, then why are you stealing?"..........

 

We are blessed with free will, but once we trangress on the will of our creator....He manages to leave the highway open back to him.

I hope all of us on this planet can find this highway, BEFORE we march off to war again...and again.

"Humans weep at human death

all the talkers lose their breath

movies paint a chaos tale 

singers sing and poets wail

all the world knows the score

but no man, can find the war.------Lyrics Larry Becket  ...song by Tim Buckley

"Ridiculous Pet Naming"

At the tender age of three, one of my first longings was to have a pet.  I was deeply moved by the wisdom that "Lassie" imparted .......I was uplifted by the courage that "Rin Tin Tin " displayed.......I wanted a Pet!!!  I wanted my own personal hero!

On my 4th birthday...my wish was granted....a Parakeet!   I was overjoyed....a winged mascot of my very own! "what will you name him?" asked my mom......"Casey Jones Jr. III" ....... (I believe he was a railroad engineer).......just not sure why and how the III..........but we certainly traveled together through my youth!

Slip Sliding Away

"The nearer your destination, the more you're slip slidin' away"...Paul Simon

     Today was the last day of High School for my youngest son. His graduation is this Sunday. For the first time in 20 years.....I no longer have a son attending a Public School.  Reluctantly, I am being  "asked" to hand in my resignation on several roles this connection  to Public School afforded me.

I must now resign from the following: 

The making of a lunch....an art which gave me deep gratification each and every morning....using two slices of bread as my canvas, painting colorful layers of sliced meats and greens...the packing of  assorted treats...   It was my secret way of  sneaking a liitle of my love into his day.

Being a stand in Lecturer on subjects ranging from "The catcher In The Rye", The Viet-Nam War, all of our Presidents, the economy of Mynabar, to........ How to embellish a paper titled "My Most embarrassing Moment," (only a minscule sampling here)

having to ask to see his report card....(and not show too much enthusiasm..:)   )

Waking him up in the morning......trying to infuse calm while disrupting him from his sleep.

Coming up with a Haiku poem.....a closing paragraph for his term paper....at 11:45 P.M.!

Driving him to school...(although he had his own car for the past year) ..I will miss escorting him at 7 A.M.  through traffic....sharing the morning news that filtered out on the radio....

from asking him as he is dashing out of the house...."have your homework?"....

........I have enjoyed every minute of this role for the past twenty years.....sadly, I must now resign......and while there is great Joy in reaching this particular destination, I am compelled to muse .....

"God only knows / God makes his plan

the information is unavailable to the mortal man

we work our jobs / collect our pay

Believe we're glidin' down the highway

when in fact

we're slip slidin' away.

Slip slidin' away / Slip slidin away

the nearer your destination

the more you're slip slidin' away." -----------    Paul Simon

My Three Sons

OK....  here they are.........where ever they go, whoever they become, they have a piece of me...and where ever I go, I have a piece of them!    :)

The Front Row

OOps!  My apologies to those who are now bending their necks to see this photo right side up...actually, the position of this pic closely resembles how I was operating this weekend....sideways!

Seems like yesterday when I said farewell to my son and wished him the best as her pursued his dreams in the halls of NYU. Attending this school,and living in N.Y.C. was his dream...not mine.    Four years ago, my parting words to him were.."I will miss this front row seat I have had to your wonderful wit,youthful innocence, and lively well of imagination.

  Yesterday at his graduation at Lincoln Center...he gave me back my "front row seat"....Having earned one of the schools most prestigous awards, he was given a seat on the stage (along with the Dean and members of the faculty)..and the parents...were given the front row for their seats!

Jared, thank you for returning me to my seat...I loved the view!

Mothers Day

..because as I slept peacefully, you silently wept, ........because your greatest joy came from  my smile,....................... because I was the source of your deepest fear, because only I am empowered with giving you death defying courage , having you push me out of the way of a speeding car.................because my name is included in your every prayer........because the fulfillment of my dream is the fulfillment of yours........because in the realm of your eternity, you consider me your miracle....

I love you Mom........and I am in awe of Mothers everywhere....Your sisterhood is a blessing to mankind....Happy Mothers day to all!    Marc :)

Once I Was

    Yesterday my  18 year old son came home very early from his date. There was a lump in his throat as he explained the argument that he got into with her. They have been dating for 3 years, and all who know them, are envious of their warmly interwoven relationship.

    Seeing his despair, his inabilty to focus on the mending that would now be needed....and my advice , sticking to him like   water to  a rock....brought me back to when I was his age....and had found that special someone who opened every door in my heart.                                                                                                For that year we were together, she was my world, and I was hers. We filled each others hearts with laughter, joy and love. Each day our feeling for each other ..intensified.  When apart, I would carry her in my mind.....the silken threads that tickled my heart....were forming the threads of a cocoon.  Once woven, my heart awoke to this "darkness". Without  warning, I rebelled, and broke free....leaving devastation for both.

    Three months after this break-up, I was walking down a street and stopped to muse at the display of a pet shop. In the front window was a birdcage with two of most magnificant birds I had ever seen. Their small feathers were laced with a such an intricate design, which served as proof, that only God could have painted such beauty onto their wings! At first the birds seemed content to be nestled safely together. Then, one of the birds began flying into the walls of cage. The bird was sent tumbling down to the bottom of the cage, where it reset itself and began its attack on the bars of the cage. It was trying to be free!  Suddenly I made the parrallel realization, the spirit of the bird is like the spirit of man.....it needs freedom. It cannot be sustained within small bounds. Food, safety and love are not enough to keep the spirit satisfied. I then knew what my actions and feelings were all about when I made my move to brak away from my intense relationship.

     I smiled and turned away from the window of the pet shop.......only to find that "she" (my ex-girlfriend) was standing right behind me! Spooky??   I learned at a young age.....Through coincidence, God chooses to remain anonymous.

    We exchanged smiles, words and yes...how much pain we both were going through. She did not understand what happened, and was pleading for me to find a way to come back. With the lesson I had just learned, I knew that would be very difficult...and how could I possibly allow myself to love her like that again.

We saw each other once more......and then....never again....... She went on to marry......and I left to wonder as this song so eloquently expresses......

once I was a soldier/and I fought on foreign sands for you

once I was a hunter/ and brought home fresh food for you

once I was your lover/ and searched behind your eyes for you

and soon they'll be another/to tell you I was just a lie

and sometimes I wonderfor awhile

will you ever remember me?

And though you have forgotten all of our rubbish dreams

I find myself searching through the ashes of our ruin

all the days that we smiled, and the hours that ran wild

the sad and subtle words and the magic of your eyes

and sometimes I wonder, for awile

will you ever remeber me?      -- Tim Buckley (Once I Was)

Once I Was

    Yesterday my  18 year old son came home very early from his date. There was a lump in his throat as he explained the argument that he got into with her. They have been dating for 3 years, and all who know them, are envious of their warmly interwoven relationship.

    Seeing his despair, his inabilty to focus on the mending that would now be needed....and my advice , sticking to him like   water to  a rock....brought me back to when I was his age....and had found that special someone who opened every door in my heart.                                                                                                For that year we were together, she was my world, and I was hers. We filled each others hearts with laughter, joy and love. Each day our feeling for each other ..intensified.  When apart, I would carry her in my mind.....the silken threads that tickled my heart....were forming the threads of a cocoon.  Once woven, my heart awoke to this "darkness". Without  warning, I rebelled, and broke free....leaving devastation for both.

    Three months after this break-up, I was walking down a street and stopped to muse at the display of a pet shop. In the front window was a birdcage with two of most magnificant birds I had ever seen. Their small feathers were laced with a such an intricate design, which served as proof, that only God could have painted such beauty onto their wings! At first the birds seemed content to be nestled safely together. Then, one of the birds began flying into the walls of cage. The bird was sent tumbling down to the bottom of the cage, where it reset itself and began its attack on the bars of the cage. It was trying to be free!  Suddenly I made the parrallel realization, the spirit of the bird is like the spirit of man.....it needs freedom. It cannot be sustained within small bounds. Food, safety and love are not enough to keep the spirit satisfied. I then knew what my actions and feelings were all about when I made my move to brak away from my intense relationship.

     I smiled and turned away from the window of the pet shop.......only to find that "she" (my ex-girlfriend) was standing right behind me! Spooky??   I learned at a young age.....Through coincidence, God chooses to remain anonymous.

    We exchanged smiles, words and yes...how much pain we both were going through. She did not understand what happened, and was pleading for me to find a way to come back. With the lesson I had just learned, I knew that would be very difficult...and how could I possibly allow myself to love her like that again.

We saw each other once more......and then....never again....... She went on to marry......and I left to wonder as this song so eloquently expresses......

once I was a soldier/and I fought on foreign sands for you

once I was a hunter/ and brought home fresh food for you

once I was your lover/ and searched behind your eyes for you

and soon they'll be another/to tell you I was just a lie

and sometimes I wonderfor awhile

will you ever remember me?

And though you have forgotten all of our rubbish dreams

I find myself searching through the ashes of our ruin

all the days that we smiled, and the hours that ran wild

the sad and subtle words and the magic of your eyes

and sometimes I wonder, for awile

will you ever remeber me?      -- Tim Buckley (Once I Was)