Saturday, July 30, 2005

The Gods Must be Crazy!

Just a short while ago, there I was online at the supermarket with a bag of frozen peas, 2 containers of yogurt, a French bread and cantelope. While waiting on this "express line" I happen to glance at the magazine rack. Catching the cover of this months Marie Claire, my eyes widen, mouth opens, and my grip on the frozen peas,loosens!  I bend down to quickly retrieve them and get another chance to read the cover again. Yes, I read it correctly...."NEW REPORT ON SEX....TWO MORE G_SPOTS REVEALED!".........."how can that be?" I whisper to myself, I thought I had it all figured out!      As the blood was rushing to my brain..."Hi Marc", I's my neighbor....that 30 something hottie, that parades around in short shorts and a halter top!   (I was grinning and blushing)   "Oh!" she goes on....."seems like I have caught you with your mind ...wandering.....huh?"

    I threw my eyes in the direction of the magazine....." the cover of Marie Claire.....and tell isn't so"......She looked and in an instant caught the headline.....she lifts the magazine up and says...."well, this seems interesting...lets have a look here"....she thumbs through the pages.....the cashier calls my attion..."NEXT IN LINE PLEASE"........I am studying the expressions on Ginas face...for any evidence of truth....."well?" I ask...... "Well......I have know about the areas that they are talking about.....yes...they could be considered g-spots, but"...a loud voice interrupts    "THAT WILL BE 5 DOLLARS AND 49 CENTS PLEASE" prompts the cashier.  I yank my wallet out of my back pocket and hand her several bills.....I turn and stare at Gina as if she is the all knowing supreme being on this topic....."I don't know.....not sure if they are really new spots"...."SIR" called the cashier...."YOUR CHANGE...and HAVE A NICE DAY"

   As I picked up my plastic bags with the items, I muttered beneath my breath.."yeah, you have a nice day..afterall, you don't have to look for those spots"

Just when I thought I had it all figured out... Never knowing about those 2 other places......geez,.3 g-spots???    Yes, it must be true...and the Sex Gods knew it, Men have no sense of direction!

Enjoy your new sense of Empowerment!            Marc :)


Friday, July 22, 2005

John Scalzis Weekend Assignment #69--A New Ice Cream Flavor

Weekend Assignment #69: You've been hired to invent a new ice cream flavor ...what is it?

   Flavor is not only in taste....but in the experience!

This new flavor will only be served in a place where the diners are seated and served. This new flavor will not be sold in supermarkets, or be available in pints. quarts or half gallons.  You cannot eat this alone!

   It will come to your table in a bowl with two spoons...or formed into a milkshake and served in glass with two straws. It can only be shared.

   This  frozen delight will have the subtle delicasy of white chocolate, laced with  dark chocolate ribbons and hidden inbtween a flavor of toasted almond.

   Once served, you will simultaneously share in the experience .....a complete indulgence in a sweet and refreshing world. You will share in each others smiles, and appreciation of the moment. Most likely a flattering compliment will come your way..something about your hair, or your eyes. As your tastebuds dance, a wide smile lightens the room.

   With such a simple intamacy, you will have not only savored a flavor that will last on your lips, but a moment that will last in your heart!

Sprinkles are optional!                       Marc :)


Tuesday, July 19, 2005

The Lotus Eaters

A walk beneath a full moon with the warm summer breeze softly brushing my skin......Certainly, one of Natures most powerful aphrodisiacs!

 and so, just one breath of this night and I  am swept back in time...........

 Ah! A young man in N.Y.C.!   One of my favorite places to bring a date was to a place called "The Lotus Eaters". A wonderfully, cozy Chinese restaurant that served the most exotic Oriental fare and drinks!

    On this particular date, I was armed with some empowering knowledge that I planned to use to stimulate our conversation. I researched the history of the Lotus Flower and found that many cultures have used it as a soother of the mind, an aphrodisiac, and as a means of forgetting about inhibitions!  Also, during that time, a Japanese classmate was teaching me many popular expressions of the Orient....I practiced and my tongue became fluent!

   The summer night sported a wonderful full moon.....we entered the restaurant. Having been there several times I requested the table that had the best view of this exoctic place!  A waitress from the bar came and asked if we would be ordering drinks....I suggested to my date that we  order "The Lotus Eaters Special Cocktail"...and after describing the exoctic fruits and liquors that went into it, she agreed.The drinks came, not with the typical straw umbrella, but garnished  with a Lotus Flower!  After a few sips of this beverage that quickly goes right to your toes....I tore off one of the petals of the Lotus Flower and placed it on my tongue. "Marc!" she exclaimed, "are you sure you can eat those?".....I smiled...."Certainly, people have been eating these potent flowers for thousands of years"..and just as I was beginning to unfold the lore of the flower, a young waitress came to our table. In a very broken English she greeted us, and asked if we were ready to order. I had to seize this moment.....and so, I began speaking the Asian language fluently that my friend helped me rehease!  Both the eyes of the waitress and my date WIDENED! I knew my date was impressed, but the waitress....did I say something wrong??

   The waitress put her head if embarrassed....and in broken English she softly said.."I am sorry, I do not speak Japanese, I am from China and this is a chinese restaurant".   My mouth...fell open in shock and disbelief that I could make such a miscalculation!...I sunk back in my chair, blood racing into my cheeks, blunderer! You Fool!.How could you be so stupid!    .............  I looked over at my date....she looked at me, and simultaneously, we burst into laughter! She placed her hand on top of mine, squeezed it....."if only you could see your have the most wonderful puppy dog eyes"........   The rest of the evening continued with sincere laughter and marvelously  interesting converation.....and of course the combination of the full moon and warm summer breeze helped!

   and so I learned the truth about aphrodisiacs that night......there is none greater than just being with the right person!

.In any language!.......................................   Warmth,   Marc :)

Friday, July 15, 2005


  Twice a year it happens!  A major department store announces its "semi-annual Lingerie Sale!"....... On one of these special occaisions, my wife will ask if I want to want to escort her through the dept.  Like the Trojan Soldier who was asked to climb into the Trojan Horse......I get in the car.    (somebody wheel me in there)

  Once in the lingerie dept, she wanders off, seeking bargains of the less evoking styles of under garments, and I left alone wandering...staring, admiring the imaginitive creativeness of the French Designers!

  On one such occaision, I was stopped by a huge magnificant poster which sat on top of a counter of Thong panties. The Model was  so gorgeous in her thong, I began to blush! Not wanting my  "appreciation" to be noticed, I moved around to the other side of the poster and allowed my imagination to mingle with the other items on display!   .... From the other side of that huge poster....two very feminine voices could be heard....."Oh I love these!".........  "You wear THONG panties?" quieried the other female.  Softly replying, "why certainly, I wear them all the time, I never take them off, except to shower and  ummm...."   "But they look so uncomfortable>" Moaned the second woman. "Heavens no! They are the best. Much more comfortable than panties....and this material...feel's so soft..mmmmmm".    I was eavesdropping!...My knees wobbled!   "Oh my" the second woman softly said..."yes, these are so very soft...and sexy too". They both giggled, the way women giggle when they share an evocative secret. The first women continued to speak....."I can't believe this sale.....they are more than fifty percent off...I am going to buy several!".  I was still standing, obscured by the huge poster that separated us. I could hear them "oh and ah" at the colors and little designs woven on the tiny fabric. Then I heard the second woman ask....."Oh wait, I am buying all of these and I didn't even check the size!".....    My curiousity had reached its final limit, I had to make my move around the poster and get a visual on who these two feminine tigers were. I casually stepped around the poster and noticed two "Very Big Bodied" women!  simultaneously, the first woman explained..."oh you don't need to worry about the size fits all!

     as I walked away....I smiled and mused....she is so right....when it comes to feeding our fancy, flirting with desire, indulging in size...does fit all!

Hope this is fitting you all      :)            Marc :)

Wednesday, July 6, 2005

The Briefcase

An advertisement featuring a stunning Diamond Necklace has provoked me........

    Many years ago I worked for a very prestigious Jewelry Manufacturer. The company was known internationally for its one of a kind rare pieces. One morning the owner called me in his office.  "I just sold the Pear shape diamond necklace" he said with enormous gratification in his voice.  This necklace was a collection of flawless pear shaped diamonds ranging  from 4 cts. in the center, tapering down to 3/4 cts right around to to the back of the neck!  It had taken him over a year of  examining hundreds of parcels of diamonds to make certain that all diamonds matched beyond the vision of the sharpest eye!

    The price back then was close to 1.5 million dollars!  He had called me in his office to tell me that the buyer wanted him to deliver the necklace in person. The buyer lived across the country, in Beverly Hills. My boss confessed that he was nervous about carrying such a valuable piece, in light of the increase in robberies."I have a plan" he confided, "and I will need your help".  He then pointed to two identical briefcases that were on his desk.  "I will place the necklace in one of these briefcases. I will lock  both briefcases, and send the key, next day, to the place we are going. Tomorrow morning, you will take one of the briefcases, take a cab to LaGuardia and catch the 11 AM flight to L.A.."  He then cautioned me about the cab ride. It was suspected that there was a group of drivers who knew the faces of people in the jewelry industry, and the taxi drivers would call ahead to the airport where thieves would be tipped off to make their heist.  He continiued telling me that he would take the other briefcase and take a cab to Kennedy airport and catch a flight to L.A. He gave me the address of the person that was buying this precious necklace.

    The next morning I walked into the vault, and saw the two briefcases. They were identical in everyway. I selected one, and off I went!

   It felt so strange riding down in the elevator, everyone had a briefcase, I am certain some were filled with important documents, and some had nothing more valuable than a tuna sandwich wrapped in foil, but mine..(I felt)...a priceless necklace!

   I hailed a taxi, and with a certain authority, commanded, "La Guardia airport". Usually, while riding a taxi in N.Y.C., I would take in the sights, people watch...observe the fashions, the movement. Not this ride. My eyes and ears glued to the taxi driver. Making certain that he made no suspicious calls or signals. I looked behind us, were we being followed?

    Once at the airport, I bolted straight for my gate. I passed by a newspaper stand, "I always buy a newspaper at the airport"...well, not this flight!   I passed by a coffee stand.."gee, I would love a cup of of java".....nope, can't stop...and no way will I put this briefcase down to sip some coffee.

   While on the plane, I kept to myself. I avoided any casual conversation offered by my flying neighbors. The briefcase stayed in my lap, I did not even get up to go to the restroom!

   The plane landed in L.A.  despite my thirst, and my urge to go to the bathroom, I went straight to the taxi line and once again commanded the driver to take me to the address in Beverly Hills.

   My boss and I pulled up to the house of the buyer almost simultaneously.  We walked through this spacious "castle" and settled down in the buyers study. My boss had already told the buyer about his plan of using two couriers, to reduce the chances of having a loss.  We chatted for a few moments, and then the buyer opened the envelope that he had just received which had the key in it. I placed my briefcase on his desk. "" the latches went up and a knot formed in my throat. He opened the case, it was empty!  I sank deep into the soft cushioned chair, like a man who had lost all purpose.  "" the latches went up on the other briefcase, and inside was the velvet box that contained the necklace.

   I remained quiet and subdued. We made the sale, the purchaser was exuberant. The purchasers' limo took us back to the airport, where we borded the same flight back to N.Y.   My boss noticed my quiet behavior.  "Marc, are you upset about the fact that you carried an empty briefcase out to L.A.?"   I confessed that yes, some of the excitement had been exhausted upon learning that I merely carried a 25 dollar briefcase across the country. I told him how I had observed the taxi driver, put off my desire to buy a newspaper, a cup of coffee, and supressed the urge to chat and even go to the bathroom!  He smiled, placed his large hand over mine and said .."good! You were observant! You were careful! You were concerned! You were sincere! That is what I pay you for! That is what makes your day worthwhile not only to me...but to you as well! Life is not about doing what we want all the time". At the time his statement seemed a bit stern, filled with expectation of  how I was supposed to behave in order to suceed.

  Many years later, after musing many times about this day a deeper lesson seeps in. Each day we live, is like carrying a briefcase. We have no way of knowing how that day will be filled...until the end of it, when it is opened. Should we stop and attend to each little thing that charms us, satisfies only us...then chances are..we are carrying an empty briefcase! If we live our moments with a deep appreciation, a certain sincerity, a display of integrity and sense of caring, then the day will be very worthwhile.....the  day ("briefcase")  will contain something very precious!

Hoping you all carry a full briefaces tomorrow!

as for me....hey! I gotta pee!                   Marc :)