When death, serious illness, and news of crumbling relationships resonate in my ears, my complete and unyielding faith in the warm hand of the Almighty becomes interrupted. Once again, I turn and look for a clue...could there even be one? Why are our hearts allowed to fall to the ground and shatter as if they were made of fine porcelain. Can the Creator of worlds and time be so occupied and removed from us? And so I muse......
As my sons were growing up, they looked up to me for all sorts of answers, especially to their homework assignments! When my youngest was 12, he saw me as a natural wealth of quick information.
One night he came to me and said in a half whine..."Dad, I need help with my math homework...I really don't understand the problems." ..... I always enjoyed being engaged and challenged...after all, eighth grade math was my calling! "Hmmm...O.K.....here we go....if x+4 =8, we'll move the x to this side, subtract that side...." and to his relief, I unraveled this dark mystery for him . He was never amazed at my swift calculations, after all, I was Dad, I was supposed to know!
Imagine my amazement when he came home from school the next day and waved the homework assignment in my face..."Look Dad, an "F"....all of YOUR answers were wrong! I can't believe it Dad...an "F"....!!
My mouth fell to the open position and stayed frozen that way. Aside from the disbelief that I had incorrectly answered every question, was the fact that I let my son down..way down! After rereading the questions that were asked, I understood that my approach to his assignment was all wrong, but that did not matter now. I asked him how much this assignment meant to the grade for the period. "Well, I was running a B-, but with this F, I'll be lucky to get a "C" for a grade.Now what do you suggest?"
I had never let my son down like I had at that moment. There was no fixing this, I couldn't explain to the teacher that Dad was doing his sons homework and failed to properly follow instructions. I just looked at my son and explained that he would now need to work extrahard,. He would need to be better prepared for tests and do some extra credit work. "You mean I have to do all that extra hard work because you couldn't do my homework right?"
A parent is supposed to have the answers, it is the problem solver, the parent is supposed to make the hurt go away...it is not supposed to be the source of it.
The world spins on an axis which we have no control over. The sun rises and sets each day keeping things on this planet in perfect running order. We trust this amazing feat of mechanical awesomeness is in good hands. So when our lives are pulled away from us like a rug being pulled from beneath out feet, we are plunged into a deeper depth of darkness, as if our parent has abandoned us....as if our parent gave us all the wrong answers on a homework assignment!
It now becomes our job, to work harder. we must now pull ourselves together.
It is now time to believe, hope and trust...more than ever before.
To all my friends here in J-land who have recently lost loved ones, to those who have loved ones battling a serious or life threatening illness, to those struggling in family matters, to all of those who face face despair as if it were a permanent fixture in their day.....The Parent does not have all the answers, and to believe so only allows for a faith interrupted.
My prayers of a return and restoration to a peaceful soul~~~Marc