Confessions Of A Window Shopper

It's a favorite American pastime, window shopping! We are addicted to the sensations at the mere sight of luxurious items displayed in windows, showcases and show rooms!

"Oh honey, look at the diamond necklace!"  "That Mink Coat looks heavenly!" "Oh my, I can see myself in that Ferrari"

How unfortunate that the mink that surrendered its life to make that coat never got to hear all the "ohhs & ahhs". How unfortunate that the jeweler who spent a week of his life laboring on that necklace will never see the smiles his workmanship yields. How sad, that a mother of four, who sleeps on a grass mat, will never know the ectasy that is felt when someone sits in the leather seat she hand stitched that went into that Ferrari.

The more adavanced we become with technology and our global industrialization, the more distant are the "ohs&ahs". However, I am reminded of my fondest "window shopping" adventure, and that is, walking outside and watching nature. Chilren playing, a dog, a sunrise, a sunset, a smile, flowers..........each  vision so fine and exquisite in its construction......all made by one hand. I trust, the "ohs& ahs" I emit in the form of a thankful prayer, are heard and happily received by its maker!

"oh & ah" often.....He loves hearing from you!

Peace~~~Marc :)

JAVIER & JUANITA (The Sands of Cabo san Lucas)

                  Javier & Juanita  ( The Sands of Cabo San Lucas)

 

Tonight the moon is full. As I look out the window, I notice one of my jars of sand, labeled Cabo San Lucas. I collect sand from beaches everywhere. Many of the small samples are from beaches that friends have visited and have sent to me. The one from Cabo San Lucas was from a  woman I had some business dealings with. She went to Cabo San Lucas for some relaxation and with the hope that she would find romance in the great resort area.

 

    I had received the jar of sand with a note from her. Her note was brief, “got lots of rest, no romance…and you, you get your sand! Enjoy!”

 

    While I was touched by her remembering to collect and send me the sand, I was sorry that her ultimate wish was not fulfilled. I needed to thank her and remind her that the “search” should have as much excitement as the discovery. and that an unfilled desire should only be the fuel to continuing hoping!   This was my note to her.

 

Dear Nina,

    Your precious gift of sand has certainly made my day, but the news of your returning “empty hearted” has provoked me……

 

                                        Javier & Juanita

 

    Javier was a young man that lived on a small farm near Cabo San Lucas. One year his crop was so bad that he could not pay the mortgage  he had on the farm. The bank served him with a notice that he would be evicted. On the night before his eviction, he and his loving wife, Juanita, went to the beach at Cabo San Lucas. Beneath the full moon and a night filled with stars they fell into the sand and made passionate love. During those enflamed moments, Juanita clutched a handful of sand and squeezed it from her ecstasy. In that small handful of sand was an oyster and the folklore has it, that the heat from Juanita had caused the oyster to expel a huge beautiful pearl!

 

    The next morning they took this beautiful huge pearl into town and found it to be worth more money than they needed to save their farm! They were rich! Word of this quickly spread. Fisherman came by day and cast their nets along the shore hoping to catch an oyster! Lovers came at night and recreated the passionate lovemaking scene they had heard about, hoping the same great reward would come as a result of their passion!

 

    Javier seeing this crowd come, day and night, set up a small refreshment bar. People from all over flocked to his bar to hear him recall that night which had changed his fate!

  

    And you thought the beach at Cabo San Lucas was only good for sunbathing! Well, thank you for your gift of sand…..and in the event you are wondering, there was no oyster in that bag you sent. As they say at Javier’s Bar, “Aw shucks!”

 

Warmest regards, Marc

 

  As I lift this small jar, the tiny grains of sand sparkle in the moonlight night, just like our hopes. And I muse, as long as we have hope, we all sparkle!

"CHE"

…In 1970 I purchased my first car. A 1960 Rambler, also known as the “box”. For those of you who have never seen this particular model, I suggest looking up this piece of folk automobile history.

   

    The first upgrade this faded grey auto got was an 8 track player. Nothing could be more sublime than driving down the streets of New York City with Bob Dylan, Phil Ochs, and Richie Havens blasting out the open windows, wailing their songs of peace and anti war sentiments.

 

    Yes, in 1970, it was all about making a statement! I soon felt that the music was not enough; after all, everyone that drove had an eight track stereo and was blasting music. On a beautiful fall weekend, I collaborated with an art student and together we attempted to paint a huge smile on the trunk of the car. Bright red lips, stretching from the left rear light to the right light! The bright red lips were “my statement”. Many things come from lips, words of love…a sweet smile, or a tender kiss!

 

    We spent a few moments admiring our work when I noticed how terribly faded the front of the car was.  On the sides of the front headlights we wrote in an Old English font “CHE” (Latin for “short and chubby”). Satisfied with our artwork we decided to give CHE a test ride.

 

     Down the street we drove. Some of the cars tooted us and people were blowing kisses at my female companion, others raising their fists and chanting, “Viva Che Gueverra”. Che Gueverra? I asked, who is Che Guevara? “Oops” she smiled, I think Che Guevara helped Castro with the overthrow of the Cuban regime. “Groovy”! I exclaimed, as I turned up the stereo and allowed  Bob Dylan’s “rainy day woman” to come pouring out the windows.  I was thrilled! In a time when people wanted to be heard, to have their feelings made visible….I was doing it!  In the following days I drove that car and enjoyed the attention it brought…..till one day my sister needed to use the car! (She helped me finance the purchase). "Do you know who Che Guevarra is?" I used as my defense as she threatened to call her loan in.  Screaming back me with her high pitched voice of anger,"I don't care who he is, but I'm sure every guy in Brooklyn that has pulled up next to me while I am stopped at a traffic light and blows kisses at me, doesn't give a sh*t about Che Guevarra!"

 

    The road of life……drive that car as far as you can!

The Ice Cream Cone

To those of you wonderful j-landers who expressed a concern about my whereabouts, I thank you ..... and even if you gave just a passing thought , I thank you for having that thought as well! 

I have been faced with many serious issues over the past months.....I had to give this journal ....writing, answering your wonderful comments and reading other jounals a rest.

A few months ago my Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It has since spread very fast and he is now very close to passing on. I have been placed at the threshold of many emotions I never could conceive. Today he has an appointment with his Dr.  and I know, the prognosis of this visit will not be good (being admitted to Hospice is at hand).

And so, with this moment and this need  to reflect, I wish to share.....                               The Ice Cream Cone<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

    One of my favorite photos in my album is that of my 4 year old son holding an ice cream cone that I had just placed in his small hand. The photo captures his purely innocent expression of gratitude and joy. Viewing this photo takes me back in time, when I was four.

 

   The large ball balanced upon a cone and being placed in my tiny hand for my own personal consumption, was redemption! Nothing could come close to that creamy confection in making my world seem so wonderful. Not my two fondest possessions, my cartoon character underwear and my Superman T-shirt could bring me to that level of satisfaction!

 

   More importantly, it was where the ice cream was coming from, my Dad. In that small instant of my life, he was the ultimate Hero! Without him speaking, I could hear his pleasure in handing me the ice cream cone. I may have been too young to understand, but not too young to feel it as a moment of shared joy. As the sweetness seemed to melt within me, I was transformed from a world of lectures and warnings. I was removed from a platform of expectations. The ice cream cone in my hand was like a magic wand that just let me be me. 

 

   The years passed, and the distance between my Father and I widened. The expectations we had of each other missed the mark. Our geographies changed, restricting when and how often we could meet. The business of life  mutually disabled us to manifest a father/son relationship.

 

    A lifetime of years has passed since then, and while there is long list of wonderful memories we did share, the ones that standout is when he came to my rescue. Transporting me from an ordinary day, by taking a moment and making it special. If there was ever a time when he seemed so tall, so knowledgeable, generous and understanding, it was the time he handed me that ice cream cone.

 

    I stare at that photo of my son about to take his first lick, and he, not knowing that mound of ice cream would be frozen in time with all the love, joy and peace that was in the handing of it to that small hand!

 

Wishing Peace to all......make a moment for someone, it is the only thing that is guarenteed to last an eternity!

Marc :)

The Cow

 

A very wise man told me this tale which has such a rich lesson that one may use for guidance from the dark hallways we so often find ourselves walking through.

 

    Long ago, there lived a couple on the outskirts of the city. They lived in an old broken down house and their sole possession was a cow. This cow gave them milk to both drink and to make cheese. The extra milk from the cow would be traded for other needs they had.

    One day, a well known "man of cloth" and his disciples were passing by this house. The great spiritual leader stopped by the house, walked up to the door and knocked. When the poor man opened the door he could not believe who was standing before him! The Spiritual leader explained that he was en route to a Holy tribunal in a another city and would it be possible if he and his disciples could be fed a meal and be  put up for the night.

    The poor man still overwhelmed by the presence of this wise and holy leader responded with "yes, of course, absolutely, with pleasure I shall feed you and provide you with a bed to sleep in for the night!" He opened the door and allowed the entourage to enter. The poor mans wife hearing this, pulled him to the side, "have you lost your mind?" she whispered with puzzlement. "What do you think we have to offer them aside from some old cheese and milk?" He smiled at her and said, we will give them a fine dinner and they will shower us with their blessings. Now I must go, I have some work to do." The old man excused himself and said he would soon return.

    After some time elapsed the old man appeared at the door of house, carrying in his arms two large sacks, filled with the finest meats, wines and breads that the city had to offer! "Here!" he boasted to his wife, we have some cooking to do, our guests will be treated to one the finest meals ever!" Completely puzzled she asked, "how in the world did you pay for all of this?"..He smiled, "I sold the cow."

    The meal was glorious, yes , one would say it was fit for a king. The spiritual leader had a huge appetite. he ate, and ate, and drank the wine. He ate some more and drank the last drop of wine. All the food was gone! The Spiritual Leader got up from his chair and exclaimed that it was the best meal he has had in a long time. He expressed his appreciation and then said that he decided he did not want to lose any time, so he would continue to travel on through the night. He packed up with his disciples and left.

    The old man dared not show any sign of disappointment, as they were hoping to receive some Spiritual lessons from their guests. The old house was now quiet. The wife looked at the empty plates and bottles. "Everything is gone" she cried. "What are we going to eat tomorrow?" she asked her husband. Realizing he made a terrible mistake, he became very angry and upset with himself.."what was I thinking? I have sold our cow, we have nothing and it's all my fault!" He began to cry and ran outside into the forest and continued with his shameful crying. The old man stumbled through  the woods and his weeping was interrupted by the sounds of another cry. It was a very well dressed man, who was laying on the ground sobbing. "Sir, are you alright?" said the old man. Continuing he asked," tell me where you live, I will go there and get help for you."  The well dressed man on the ground was gasping for air, and with shallow breaths, he explained that he did not want his family to know where he was. He told the old man that he was extremely wealthy, but his family only loved him for his wealth. "If I didn't have a penny, they wouldn't care if I was dead or alive". He vowed that as retribution for their false behavior, they would not see one penny from his estate."But you" he continued gasping, "a complete stranger and you are willing to help me for nothing in return". He pulled the old man close to him and whispered in his ear the location of a buried fortune..."take it" he moaned.."you deserve more than they", and with that the wealthy man died.

    The old man buried the wealthy man and said a prayer. Then he went on to retrieve the buried treasure.

 

    Two years passed and the Spiritual Leader and his disciples were passing down that same road of where the old broken down house was. The House was no longer there. In its place was huge mansion, beautifully landscaped. As the Leader and disciples watched, the doors of the mansion opened and out walked the poor old man with his wife. They were dressed like royalty and they were stepping into beautiful horse drawn carriage!

 

    The disciples were puzzled..."is this the same couple we visited two years ago, who had not a penny to their name?" they asked the Leader. "Yes" smiled the wise one. "How did this happen?" they asked. The leader continuing with his smile replied "I made them sell the cow!"

__________________________________________________________________

 

......You can never know who you are, till you let go of who you were.

 

...............The best of who you are, is what you are always becoming.......

 

Marc :)

Dreams

       While  walking the dogs, they stopped at their favorite tree to irrigate it. I  happened to look up and notice a kite dangling from a low branch. The tail hung down just low enough for me to be able to reach it and release it from its capativity. Instaneously, I was reminded of the many Sunday afternoons that I would fly a kite with my sons. Watching the kite  soar and float so high against  a clear blue sky was always a joyous sight to behold. We would  for an afternoon, and as the winds would let up, the kite would become a victim of branch.  The kite would always be torn beyond repair.Its not that the tree acted in malice, it just happened to be there.

 

    I held this kite observing its unreversible damage, and suddenly I was overcome with a whole other perspective.......my mind wandered back to a time and place that is rarely frequented.......

 

   I was in my Senior year in High School, it was a Friday and my friends had arranged for a beach blanket night party near Coney Island Beach. Six guys packed in car, headed off to the beach with a giutar, blankets, a pack of cigarettes, lighter fluid to set a beach fire and a bunch of dreams about meeting some new babe!  One of the guys in our group had asked his cousin from a distant neighborhood, to bring her girfriends to the beach, the thought of meeting new faces was exciting!

 

    We found our spot at the beach, and set up camp. Once the fire was going strong, out came the guitar, the cigarettes and then the songs...."Puff The Magic Dragon", "Blowing In The Wind", "Catch the Wind" , "California Dreamin'.".....As the guys began "pairing off with the girls" I decided it was time to take a solo walk along the shorline and commune with Mother Nature. The slow rolling of waves, the scent of the night mixed with the cool ocean was the perfect partner for me. On my way back to blanket, I passed by a lifeguard chair. A soft voice called down "Hi There!" I returned the greeting and asked how the view was from up there. "Come on up and see for yourself" she politely invited me. I climbed up, sat down and introduced myself. There was no moon that night, I sat up there in  a shroud od darkness. "You sing pretty good" she said. "Oh, so you're with the group?" I asked.. "yes, I came with them, not sure why, the way they carry on.....I guess I just didn't want to be alone tonight".  From there the conversation opened up, we talked about the pressures of being High School seniors, she told me that she went through High School not having a boyfriend and the effect it had on her.We spoke of the  hurts that are inflicted upon us without others even knowing. "Marc, you seem like a really nice guy, I feel like I know you....I hope you don't mind.....could you put your arm around me?"  "SURE!" I said as bells whistles sirens and alarms went off in my head. She slid over and tucked herself beneath my arm and we continued talking. A few minutes into our conversation a girls voice called out from below "Hey Ivy, c'mon down we're all going over to Nathans for a bite to eat...the guys will meet us there, so you two lovebirds can continue there!"...

 

    She climbed down from the stand, I still could not make out her features in the darkened night. "How will I know how to find her?" I thought. I quickly climbed down and headed over to the car where my friends were waiting for me. They all looked at me with smirks...they broke out in song.."going to the chapel and we're gonna get married".......I defended my honor with..."hey guys, I was 5 minutes away from having one hand up her blouse....so puff that in  your magic dragon".....The drive to Nathans was 5 minutes, but all the while I wondered....what does she look like...who is this sweet girl that is so inviting?

 

    We parked the car, hopped out and strutted by the eatery looking for the girls. "Marc!"..I heard a voice call out..I stopped, I recognized the voice, it was hers, I turned around and saw many faces..."Marc, hi its me, Ivy"....She was short and very, very pudgy, a rounded freckled face, and red curly hair. Nothing close to what I imagined, and physically speaking, no chemistry. My friends pulled behind..."oh, its the bride!" they chimed. I smiled at her....said "Hi....don't pay any attention to them, combined have an IQ of my age....Now, how about a Nathans Hot dog!"  We found a table sat down and continued to talk. We talked about the Viet nam war, she asked what I would do if I was drafted. We talked about horoscopes, first pets, and favorite TV shows. In the time it took to eat a hot dog, we got to know each other so well. "Time to go" her friend announced. She looked at me and mentioned that this one one of the best nights she has had and then asked if she would see me again.I knew she lived very far from me, and seeing her again was unlikely.

 I asked for her phone number, she wrote it on a mustard and coke stained napkin. "Call me please" she said....and then got up and left with her friends. I placed the napkin in my pocket.

 

   I never did call her again....but held onto that napkin.....I knew that napkin represented a hope, a dream......and I just could not trash it.

 

   Our dreams are born out darkness,  like kites, they float high above sky, soaring above our fears and beyond the shadows cast upon us.......but, dreams are like kites, they eventually fall.......only to find their way, getting caught by a tree, torn and becoming lifeless........holding only the joy that sailed in them!

First Kiss

.......Prior to that kiss, there was a dark history....(this was an previous entry of mine Dec.2004).....

....skating back in time I can recall that tender age of 13. I first noticed girls batting their eylids at me, calling my name cutely, and teased me for attention. I was naive in noticing that it was "nature calling". When the time came for my first kiss, I was too shy and clumbsy to live up to her expectations!.......Word quickly spread, I was a terrible kisser!  At 13, there are no second chances!!  My reputation preceded my boyhood charm and good looks! The girls on the block had turned stone cold on me! I was devastated...and for the next few years, I avoided being placed in a close up puckering position. (aww)

    I watched T.V. shows and movies carefully.....I studied how James Bond would lock lips with his leading ladies....Gregory Peck, Cary Grant, Kirk Douglas...I watched them all, and observed. Through this careful observation I discovered that kissing was not just about lips being locked together, but it was the  intimate formation two souls, using the lips as a conduit for their passion. The passion of two souls!

    Many years passed, and in one night, the phobia was laid to rest, as I fell into the eyes of another and she whispered the words into my ear..."oh Marc, where did you ever learn to kiss like that?"

If heaven was ever to touch Earth, this was the night!