Mistress Of Betrayal

       The year was 1992. Everyone was sporting a pager (beeper) on their wasitline or  had one attached to their pocketbook. I had resisted this accouterment which let one know that they had to stop whatever it was they were doing and head for a phone. Finally, I could no longer hold onto a simpler world, and I purchased one. I had barely remembered my new number and which button to press, when my wife presented me with her wish for her upcoming birthday, a cell phone!

     Back then, cell phones were reserved for professionals on the move. Most of the models were the size of bricks and the monthly plans were like second mortgages. She told me that Motorola had come out with a new smaller version..a "flip phone". It still did not convince me why a stay at home mom who had a pager, now needed a cell phone. My resistance to her wishes were met with a similar response that a child makes when being told he cannot have a toy he asked for. In my retreat, a wave of suspicion came creeping in! "Why is she so insistant on having a device that will allow her to make calls on the go?". The "Columbo" part of my brain began working overtime. It held any insignificant data it could find and incriminatd her in the court of my mind. "She must be flirting with someone!" I concluded. Yes, I did not forget the smiles and winks she flashed at other coaches when we were at the little league games. Suspicion had now formed a lynching party.

       Her birthday approached, and I caved in, taking her to Cicuit City to purchase this cell phone. Back then, there was only one choice, there were no sleek Nokias, Ericsons, or Color screen Samsungs....just one Motorola model and just one plan.  Eighty bucks a month for 30 minutes of talk time! If you spoke for 10 seconds, that was your minute. Once you went over 30 minutes, you were charged.  Her happiness at holding the phone at the store was something unequalled. Again alarms went off in my mind. I half grinned at the salesman, and agreed it was a  sale. She kissed me on the cheek and then wandered off to muse at the other electronics as I woefully signed a 3 year contract. I smiled at the saleperson, "shouldn't we have a man of the cloth here, this is not a contract, it's more like a vow!"

      The salesman chuckled and then began to make another pitch, "would you like to purchase insurance for this phone?"  I gave him a cold "No". "Would you like roadside assistance plan?". "No"...."Would you like an extra minute plan?"..No"...."Would you like a payment protection plan in case you get sick and can't pay for the phone?"...."No"..."would you like detailed billing?"..... My tongue went deep into my cheek..."detailed billing?, please explain" I said.  "O.k., detailed billing will give you a list of all the outgoing phone calls that have been made on this phone. The list will be a part of your monthly statement and costs just 5 bucks a month".   My mouth fell open, a silent "halleluhah" rolled off my lips. My suspicions as to why she has to have this device  could be confirmed!  "Put it on, I'll take it, yes...I think that is a wonderful option to have!"

I signed the contract, folded it in my pocket and took the shopping bag over to my wife who was admiring the TVs...."here you are" I said with with the widest of grins.."Happy Birthday". We both exited the store with big wide  grins.

 

      A month had passed and the day came when the first statement arrived. I made no mention of it and put the bill  away for a private review. Night decended and she soon fell asleep. I went into another room to open this document which would, as I presumed, confirm my suspicions. My eyes ran down the lines, my brain assimilating the numbers called .....I quickly noticed a pattern of the same numbers. I mutterred the number repeatedly under my stuttering breath. Yes, now I recall! That was the number of my friend!  Blood raced through my head.."I can't believe it, I can't believe it!" my mind reeled. The "Columbo" part of my brain was summoned...."let's see...all of these calls ...lasted .....one minute....so, this is obviously his pager number"...."and...lets see what happens after he is paged....well now, look at that, an incoming call being returned within minutes of being paged....my oh my, he is faithful as a puppy!"

My mind was now  cooked in boiling blood! "I can't believe my plan worked so fast...how stupid could she be!!"  .... "Now, where do I go from here?". Images of the two of them chatting on the phone, schemeing on  a place to meet played in my mind like a lage cinema movie!...I tried hard to calm myself, but to no avail. I tried reaching deep into my intellect, begging for it to gain control of my raging heart. "I must  think responsibly,  remember, there are kids involved...mine and his. And...I must be absoutely certain this is who I think it is" I told myself.

    It was late, I could not sleep, part of me wanted to go into the bedroom and throw ice water on her! I paced the living room floor, even the family dog became nervous.  I knew I needed to have some small piece of resolution before I could close my eyes. Then I recalled, a sheet that was being passed around the office...beeper codes. Callers would punch in certain numbers that would mean a message, for example,   "43" on a beeper meant "I love you"... I pulled the paper out of my briefcase....yes, there it was ..."143"  which meant "F*ck You"..... I picked up the phone and proceeded to dial the number that was on the bill..."heheh" I chuckled.."when he wakes up in the morning, he will see he has gained one new enemy this day!" At the promt, I hit the keys, it felt so therapeutic. I quietly crawled into bed, I marched in a parade of defeat and jubliation to sleep.

       Morning came, I showered and dressed,  made the boys breakfeast and packed their lunches, I was cold and indifferent, acting like  a vegetarian in a butcher shop. My mind too occupied, scheming  its next plan to catch these culprits. I poured my coffee to go, and went back to the bedroom to get my wallet, keys and pager. "Gee" she said to me, "you haven't said a word this morning, are you o.k.?"....I didn't answer, just slipped my wallet in my back pocket, my keys in my pocket and  slipped my pager on my belt...which had a message waiting for me...143!

 

    The "somewhat familar" number was...yes...my own pager #!

 

When the mind entertains suspicion and doubt, it will often find that mind becomes the mistress of betrayal!

 

Sleeping with both eyes closed.....Marc :)

In The Harbor of the Heart

 

    There are many minutes that fill a lifetime, while each one is equal in measurement, we each have minutes that carry the weight of an eternity!

   It was a February many years ago. I was in college and had just returned to school from "winter break". A new semester, and a new set of classes to attend. "Spanish History 101, how did I get this class?" I mused. Reluctlantly, I headed down the hallways and consoled myself with the fact that this would be a class to catch a nap in.I entered the room found a seat and scanned the room for any familar faces. It was a class of complete strangers. I looked up at the chalkboard, where the professors name was written, and the words "Spanish History 101" and beneath that "Spanish History 102".  "They must be  kidding" I laughed to myself..."101 will certainly be enough!"

    In that very instant, my world moved.....a young lady had walked into the classroom, I had not seen her before, every cell in my body jumped, she saw the empty seat next to me,and sat down. Our eyes made contact for a second, it seemed like an eternity. I did not need an explanation nor did I need to consult a handbook for what I was feeling. Suddenly, "Spanish History 101" was going to be my favorite class!  I made a polite attempt at starting a conversation, but she seemed in no mood.  An hour passed, and the bell rang signaling the end of class. The professor chimed his last words as the students were rising out of their seats, "this class meets on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays....see you on Wednesday". For me, it was music to my ears! I spoke beneath my breath, "I wish it was Monday through Friday"..."are you nuts?" she said...."you want this class 5 days a week?".....She heard me!  ...Quickly my tongue went into my cheek..."why yes, I loved taking Spanish in high School, and one day, I plan on visiting Spain....this class should be a breeze for me..so, if you ever need help, feel free to ask me". I can't remeber what she said, I was melting too fast in her eyes...she knew I was staring at her. "I'm sorry" I said apologetically, "forgive me for staring, I believe I have seen you before." Her face had  that "disbelieving look" on it. "No really, I know I have seen your face  before....yes! I saw your face on a wanted poster at the Post office!"  "Oh really" she said with sarcasm, "do I look likea bank robber to you?"  "Noo...but I do believe it said on the poster that you were on the Wanted List for stealing  so many hearts!".  She was not impressed with my line of flattery and coldly said "godbye, see you Wednesday".

Fate moves not only in mysterious ways, but in marvelous ones!

   It was the start of a relationship that sounded all the alarms in the hall of romance. Every cell was woken to a new and wonderous world. My ears began hearing every word of every love song. My eyes learned the striking similarity of  a moonbeam and the softness of her hair. My tastebuds learned the uncomaparble sweetness of her skin. My heart....my heart was no longer just mine. 

...and now many Februarys later, while I can no longer remember what her lips were like on mine, my heart recalls that one minute, the minute that fate was twisted and the doors to a paradise were opened.

   The mind sets sail to many moments ...and they are lost in a sea of time passed, but the heart, the heart is a harbor for the treasures left behind.

.......Marc :)

 

 

PENNIES FROM HEAVEN

 Upon returning from a trip to the supermarket, I spied a penny lying on the ground. Despite my hands being occupied, I managed to retrieve the coin from the ground and smiled as I put it in my pocket, recalling  many years ago the lesson and the origon of where this penny came from.

 

PENNIES FROM HEAVEN

 

    “Alright” I said to my five year old son, “for being such a big help to Dad, you may select one candy from the display (although for his remarkable patience he deserved more!). As he faced the cascade of boxes of candy on display, I began to load the groceries on the conveyer belt. As I reached into my pocket and withdrew some bills, a few pennies fell to the floor. Two pennies, too embarrassing for a grown man to be scrambling around for! As I pulled my eyes away from the still dancing pennies, I noticed one of my bills had slipped out of my hands and also had fallen to the floor. As I bent down to retrieve the dollar, I scooped up the two pennies that I was willing to just leave behind for someone with a little less pride to pick up.

   

    “Twenty dollars, ninety seven cents” smiled the cashier. I handed her twenty one dollars, and she handed me the three pennies back. As I was tossing the change into my pocket, I could hear the clanging of money on the floor. I had missed my pocket, and the three pennies went rolling across the floor! Quick as a flash, my five year old son was on top of them. “Here Daddy, you dropped your money!” he said with a big satisfied grin.

    It was then I recognized the huge difference between man and boy. How my pride intercepted my effort to pick up a few pennies from the floor. How my son, basking in his innocence, felt none the less slighter by picking up the pennies.  A strange sense ran down my spine, was my ego too large? I knew there was a reason for this observation, but was not sure what.

    Once home, I took out the three pennies that my son enthusiastically picked up from the floor and placed them in a jar. I promised myself, that I would never be too proud to stop and pick up a penny from the ground. As a reminder, I would place the coins  that I found in that jar.

 

    Years passed, I found pennies, nickels and dimes everywhere!

There they were, in parking lots, on sidewalks, beneath the seats at stadiums and theaters! Some were unknowingly dropped by their owner, but many were just left behind, not worth the effort of climbing over an ego to retrieve. The contents of the jar swelled. 

 

    Then one day, many years since those first three pennies, I read an article in a local newspaper. A family with a critically ill five year old son was holding a fundraising event at a local park. They needed money for a lifesaving operation. Without a thought, I emptied out the jar, and began to roll up the pennies, nickels and dimes. As I rolled, I recalled that moment when my son retrieved the first three pennies. I took all the rolled money and placed it a bag. 

 

    On the day of the fundraising event, I went to the park and stood at a long table where home baked goods were being sold to raise money. “Sir, how about a cookie for a dollar?” asked the lady behind the table. I recognized her from the newspaper article; it was the mother of the sick boy. I handed her my bag of rolled coins. “How about twenty seven dollars and thirteen cents” for one of those cookies I smiled. “Wow” she exclaimed, barely able to lift the canvas bag from  my hand. “Goodness gracious” she laughed, “pennies! Loads of them, where on earth did you get all of these?” she exclaimed. I began to tell her the story of how, one day long ago, I was a too embarrassed to pick up some pennies off the floor, but my son, who picked them with a certain pride, had taught me a lesson. She smiled and thanked me and said,” Now I know where these came from, they are pennies from heaven”.

 

and so I learned...if you allow your ego to grow too large, it will block your sight of the small details....and the goodness that you might be able to render to others!

 

Peace to all    Marc :)

The Meditation

 The past two weeks have ushered in huge waves of stress. As I gasp for one fresh breath and look for one ray of light I recall...... The power of light and meditation...when the two coincide, they provide a deep insight to the soul that no medical drug can match!....enjoy..and have  a marvelous day!    
                            The  Meditation
     My friend told me of the most amazing day he had in Key West. He visted a meditition teacher who resided in a small house off the beach. The teachers house had the most spectactular  view of the beach and the infamous "Key West Sunset!" I asked my friend to allow me to join him on his next vist.
     That day came, and we arrived at the teachers house in the mid afternoon. While he greeted us warmly, I could not help but having a feeling of disappointment when noticing that all the shades in house had been drawn down.I spent my first moments debating with myself if I should ask him why he closes off his house to a breathtaking view of the ocean!
    The meditation teacher was a marvelous host, engaging us in a lively conversation and then serving us some delightful green jasmine tea.
    Every few moments, my mind would wander to the fact that I had not yet seen the spectacular view of the ocean. As I sat in a chair in the dark room I could hear the gentle rolling waves of the ocean teasing me.
   It was now past eight o clock, I knew the sun was about to reach the shoreline, I began to stir. The meditation teacher annouced it was now time to perform our meditation. "This will be impossible" I said to myself.
    He led us into a room that had nothing but mats on the floor and shades, which were rolled down, on the windows. "Get into position" he gently commanded. I squatted down, folded my legs, outstreched my hands. "Take a deep breath...and hold it" he intsructed.
Just as I filled my  lungs, like ballons for a party, I saw something straight ahead of me. A beacon of light! Directly ahead of me was a separation in the windowshade, there was a tear in it! I could see the sun taking its bow into the horizon. I could make out its magnificant reflection across the flattened ocean! Through this opening, firey hues of orange and purple came pouring in.
   There I was, filled with this one breath, and in a direct view of this ball of life immersing itself into the sea.
  Suddenly, I felt connected to something far greater than anything here on earth. I could feel my connection to the universe! And this connection was sustained by this one breath.
   In a flash of second, I realized that just as this sun lights up and nourishes this world, I too am given that very same power.As the sun transfers its light to me, I can transfer light to my world!
    I also mused  about the  beauty that lies in nature, it resonates too sharply to be random or accidental. Light and dark....life and death ...are both given great distances between them, but the line they cross from one realm to another, is so very fine, and unavoidable.
   We must make the most of who we are, inbetween those lines, and with each breath!
   I wish for you to be able to have that moment when you can see through the crack in the shade.
  Peace~~~   Marc :)

"That's Weird"

    I can't believe that Gem  (libragem007) would tag me, hoping for me to reveal my "weirdness".    I am quite the normal guy.....I mean I go through life, in a most normal manner....I just try to spice it a bit so it doesn't appear too normal!.....So, when was the last time I had a "weird" feeling......   ah yes!    Every Sunday afternoon there is a radio program that I MUST listen to, or Sunday does not feel like Sunday. It's a local music program called "Folk and Accoustic Sunday" (on the NPR radio station)....Its a smooth blend of old folk, current folk, Bluegrass and international folk.....  Regardless of what i might be doing on that afternoon,the music has me sit down in my mind and pull up a chair on the porch and have a tall cold glass of iced tea. The program really makes my Sunday......if I miss hearing it...yes, I feel weird.

     "Weird"....that's right.....just last week at the Christmas lunch, the secretaries were gabbing about men, and how they stare and gawk. One secretary spotted me listening in and chimed..."except for sweet Marc...when he talks to you he makes eye contact, not chest contact" The women all nodded in agreement that I was the perfect gentleman.........   I grinned.....and laughed to myself...." I can really do that??? All these years I've been staring at their chests and they say I'm looking into their eyes!...Gee..that's weird!

    If I can't think of something that is weird..I'm certain that the wife can!  She swears that "I can't Chew gum and drive at the same time"...now that's not true...but one time  tried chewing gum while having sex....and when we were finsihed, the gum was gone! I'm not telling where it was found, but that's the last time I'll "chew and screw".

    Oh yes, which brings me to.....when I can't find my wallet....yes, I get weird about that......Imagine, I have handled millions of dollars worth of jewels in my days, I never get nervous if one gets misplaced at the factory...but my wallet, (which usually never has more than 40 bucks in it!) if its missing for 5 minutes...I get ....GAS!  I mean turbulent gas folks.....I guess if I can't find my wallet, I'm hoping it will find me!   Oh, by the way, whenever I misplace my wallet, it takes just 5 minutes for my wife to snif, snif and yell "HEY WHAT DID YOU DO.......LOSE YOUR WALLET!"

      OK...4 weird things down...and one to go....hey, I need to make a run to the bathroom.....WAIT...which reminds me.....Women in bathrooms.....you take so much time in there.....and sometimes you go in there in pairs?  You always come out smiling or grinning.....Me? I'm happy that I came and went...and I'll never take another guy to mens room with me....I hope that doesn't make me wierd!

    OK gotta go.....I'll be tagging someone who hasn't been tagged with this when I get back!         Love and peace to you all....Not so wierd, Marc :)

Marriage Therapy and Tanning Salon

    Floridas reputation for being "the retirement State" is quickly being replaced by being known as "the shopping State".  Shopping Centers, Malls, Designer Outlet Stores, all sprouting up overnight like weeds!  Within 2 minutes of traveling North, South, East or West of me, I will find at least one Starbucks.....meaning, in less than 10 mins I can hit 4 Starbucks! No one can accuse us Floridians of not having enough caffiene handy!

    This morning while driving into work I was passing by  another new strip shopping center and I could see that the first sign was in place announcing a new store coming soon! "What else could we possibly need in this neighborhood?"  I asked myself. I took a fast glance to soothe my curious nature. "WHAT?"  I said to myself in disbelief. I slowed the car and looked again. "NO WAY, Can't Be!..I never heard of such a place!" The big white sign with red lettering read "MARRIAGE THERAPY and TANNING SALON".....From that moment on, my day was flipped into overdrive with puzzlement!

     The voice in the back of my mind woke up.... "who in the world would open such a place?"  I lowered the radio station (which happens to be Dr. Joy Brown, who is a marvelous psychologist that hosts a great radio program) in order to think. I immediately began to imagine situations.....My wife and I sitting in that office....."Well Dr. we are having problems in our marriage, she goes to bed in Flannel, and I'm dreaming of her in some satin".    "Hold it right there" I imagine the Dr.  saying...."No wonder the two of you have trouble with your sex life, you are both white as ghosts! I am prescribing 3 tanning sessions immediately...once you have your tans on, you can come back and talk!".

     The entire day my mind entertained me with the business variables of this bizzare storefront combination. I could see a woman coming home from a  MarriageTherapy session...her hubby asking.."how did your session go tonight?"......"well, I'm not sure if I made much progress with my anxieties of you cheating on me, but look at my Boobies now....No tan lines!"..........and my mind wandered.....does the psychologist use a tanning bed instead of couch?...... I could see the ads for this place...."Give your Marriage a check up and get a tan on  us!".......   

    I promised myself that on the way home, I would stop in at this new strip center and get a close up of this storefront that was under construction. 

    The day came to its close, I had scripted enough "situations" to write five seasons of a sit-com! I could not wait to re-visit this place which had captivated my imagination for the entire day.

   As I neared the intersection oif this new shopping center, I began grinning, replaying my day of thoughts. It was dark and no lights were up yet. I pulled up to the storefront and looked up at the sign......A 120 mph wind raced through my ears screaming "idiot!".......The sign read  "Massage Therapy and Tanning Salon"......... "oh" I said to myself..."I guess that does make sense".

   I scratched my head, and went back into my car......"too bad..I had all these great ideas and images.....now what will I do with them?".....the voice in my head chuckled..."put them in your journal...what else would you do with them"!

  Next time, before I read any more signs, I'm stopping at a Starbucks!

Make it a double expresso!     Marc :)

SAMSON & DELILAH

My deepest thank you to the many who left comments & suggestions about my adventure in Bloomies.....I am even more delighted that many you saw the innocence that was woven in my moments ...and not the image of a voyeur.......and so, allow me to add this statement for even further clarification........

                                SAMSON & DELILAH

    Samson, the symbol of strength and courage. A model of muscle that all men hope to obtain.

    Indeed man is consumed by challenge of competition. Anything that challenges his grasp on the "throttle" will have him alarmed. Man is willing to train and torture himself endlessly, just to be victorious in that challange. He trains his muscles to react, to be swift and overpowering.

    But deep within, man senses his vulnerablity and is fearful of it. How ironic that mans greatest desire would also be be his largest fear to conquer. This unique double edged sword that I speak of is the scent of a woman.....not a fragrence, but her smile, the look in her eyes, the softness of her skin.

    Samson knew that with just one look into Delilah's eyes, he would not only reveal the secret of his strength,but he would reveal to the subsequent generations, the weakness of man!

    I confess to having this inheritance!

Marc :)